Monday, January 26, 2009

Amusement Church U.S.A. (and Canada)

Sung (with an extra verse added) to the tune of Amusement Parks U.S.A. by the Beach Boys. To find the original version and lyrics, go here, dig out an old vinyl copy of the Summer Days (and Summer Nights!!) album, or look for that album on a "twofer" CD with The Beach Boys Today!

HT: Slice of Laodicea

Let’s take your car and do Amusement Church U.S.A..

On Christmas Eve at Willow Creek the trapeze artists are flyin’
The "Christmas in Mayberry" skits at Bear Creek will keep you smilin’
A Connecticut pastor preaches from Dr. Seuss,
At Church by the Glades they put an elephant to use
Let’s take your car and mess around at the church all day

The ‘80s theme at Granger slakes a spiritual thirst
The '70s New Year’s Eve dance is worth a trip to Elmhurst
Victory Church fashion show can really get you bad
At New Life the comedy will make you laugh like mad
Let’s pick up our friends and do Amusement Church U.S.A.

Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, folks
Step right up to the megachurch circus, the best little show in town
Just one tithe, folks, one withdrawal from the banking machine in the foyer
Come on and take the 30-day sex challenge (is it real?)
See the pastor preaching from his bed (he looks like a fake to me)
(Let’s go see it) (costs too much!)
Hurry, hurry, hurry, folks
See the pastor, he shimmies, he shakes...

The Pleasant Valley Baptist motorcycle jump’s all the rage
You’d better run if your pastor drives his bike up on the stage
There’s no evening service on the night of Super Bowl
If it’s wrestling you like, Connection has Pastor Cole
Let’s take your car and mess around at the church all day

In Canada a church may have a murder mystery night*
The mosh pit might collapse if you’re dancing at Central Heights
Father’s Day we’re gonna spend at Church on 99
‘Cause that’s when they have an "outreach" called the Show and Shine
Amusement Church isn’t limited to the U.S.A.

* At Beulah Alliance Church in Edmonton, Alberta, a Young Marrieds Murder Mystery Dinner Party (at $10 per person) was scheduled for July 28, 2006, and advertised in the church bulletin for several weeks beforehand.

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