Thursday, July 19, 2012

Salt Lake City man confesses his sins (including crimes) in his obituary

And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment: Hebrews 9:27

I hope Val Patterson came to know Jesus Christ as his saviour between the writing of his obituary and the moment of his death, because the obit gives no such evidence. As the saying goes, confession may be good for the soul, but it can be bad for the reputation. Submitted for your approval: The case of Val Patterson of Salt Lake City, whose obituary, published in the Salt Lake Tribune from July 15-22, 2012, included the following:

Now that I have gone to my reward, I have confessions and things I should now say. As it turns out, I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971. I could have left that unsaid, but I wanted to get it off my chest. Also, I really am NOT a PhD. What happened was that the day I went to pay off my college student loan at the U of U, the girl working there put my receipt into the wrong stack, and two weeks later, a PhD diploma came in the mail. I didn't even graduate, I only had about 3 years of college credit. In fact, I never did even learn what the letters "PhD" even stood for. For all of the Electronic Engineers I have worked with, I'm sorry, but you have to admit my designs always worked very well, and were well engineered, and I always made you laugh at work. Now to that really mean Park Ranger; after all, it was me that rolled those rocks into your geyser and ruined it. I did notice a few years later that you did get Old Faithful working again. To Disneyland - you can now throw away that "Banned for Life" file you have on me, I'm not a problem anymore - and SeaWorld San Diego, too, if you read this.



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